Here at Baby Sleep Trainer we tend to shy away from using the term “regression.” That’s because I find families will look for any reason to explain why their child isn’t sleeping through the night. (For example, I often hear teething, ongoing and repeated sleep regressions, nightmares, etc.) Yet, the most obvious reason is that their child has not yet learned to fall asleep wholly unassisted for naps and bedtime. (And so they are unable to put themselves back to sleep when they wake up throughout the night.) However, there are two main “regression” periods I’ve noticed in most babies. First, the four month sleep regression. And second, this regression occurring around 10 to 12 months of age. The former affects most babies, and the latter seems to occur often, but not always, with babies in this age group. So let’s talk about the 10-12 month sleep regression (and why it’s not time to transition to 1 nap!)
What Is This Regression Like?
I am writing this blog post under the assumption your baby is already sleep trained, and able to fall asleep independently. If you have not yet tackled sleep training and your 10-12 month-old seems to be having a regression, sleep training them will almost certainly remedy the issue.
The 10-12 month sleep regression almost always presents with a baby refusing one of their two naps. (And it’s almost always the second nap.) Children will suddenly protest taking their second nap by crying and protesting vociferously when they had previously been sleeping well before. Parents will then often deal with protesting in a few ways. One, by cutting the nap attempt short after some period of time (assuming their child isn’t tired). Two, by moving the nap time around. And sometimes families will decide to assist their child to sleep for a nap in order to get them to sleep.
Occasionally, this regression will also present with sudden early morning waking as well. It will likely also feel to parents that no matter what they do, nothing seems to remedy the issue. Baby just continues to struggle with sleep, and parents understandably panic.
Why Does it Happen?
I believe this regression occurs because around this age, babies tend to realize that they’re simply not interested in sleeping. They’d rather be awake with their caretaker. Because they are still taking a morning nap, they typically have enough stamina to fight the second nap. As babies grow older, they start to realize their preferences more and more. They are beginning to understand their ability to protest what is happening, and express these feelings and emotions.
How to Deal With It? And Why it’s Not Time for One Nap
Want the good news, or the bad news first? Well, I’ll give you both at the same time. Because the good news about how to deal with this regression is the same as the bad news. You can’t do anything to address the issue except allowing the regression to run its course. The silver lining? You aren’t doing anything to cause it! But you also can’t do anything to fix it. You can try to move baby’s nap about 30 minutes later. But in reality, your child will fight their nap if they want to.
Despite the fact that it may seem like they are ready for one nap, they are not. Children in this age group most certainly need to sleep twice a day. (Even if they are unwilling to do so.) My recommendation to clients in this situation is always the same… Put baby down for an hour, and if they don’t sleep, get them up and move on with the day. You’ll want to be extremely careful they do not fall asleep, or even become drowsy, anytime before bedtime. I would caution against moving bedtime any more than 30 minutes earlier as that will then trigger early morning waking. Within a few weeks, nearly all babies will realize they are tired, that you are not returning for quite some time, and that they’d rather sleep.
It’s very important to remain consistent even during periods of regressions. If you are certain your child is 100% healthy and safe, and that you cannot identify any reason they are not sleeping well, typically the best course of action is to simply give your child the time and space to work through what they are feeling. Within a few weeks’ time, baby will return to napping twice each day.
If you would like more age-appropriate guidance on your baby’s naps or nighttime sleep, sign up for my newsletter!
My 11 month old is currently going through this. While she is able to figure her nap out eventually, night time is much worse. From the minute i put her down she cries until throwing up and even after putting her back down, continues to ferociously scream and cry. After finally going down with help, she’ll be up again within 3 hours. Please help!
I would ask the pediatrician if you can just clean her up after she throws up and continue to put her down awake, and then not interact with her until the morning unless you suspect an emergency. I wouldn’t advise you do that WITHOUT talking to the doctor to ensure s/he approves that as a course of action. All the interaction (besides the cleaning up for vomiting) may be what’s perpetuating the issue.
That is terrible advice! Just leave a baby who is crying so much they are sick!? It’s a time of uncertainty for them and they need reassurance, not to be left. How can you tell mums this???? Breaks my heart.
Thank you for taking the time to reach out with your comment. I’m very passionate and transparent about my work and how to help families. Thankfully there are thousands of places online parents can get help, so if what I share isn’t a great fit, there are many other resources a family can access. Poonam did not mention her daughter was ill, just that she’d vomited while crying. This isn’t an all together uncommon experience for lots of children.
This article describes more clearly how to respond to a little one who is ill:
So your advice is to let baby scream and ignore them? Nice. You’re obviously in the wrong line of work.
I am dealing with this with our 11 month old right now! Previously a GREAT sleeper since we sleep trained him at 4/5 months and has slept through the night since, save for a few issues here and there but we know there’s an issue if he cries and go to him. Now almost every night this week, his morning nap is a battle to get him down and he cries so hard when we put him to bed (usually he just plays in his crib to fall to sleep)…. Thought he might be teething but now I’m thinking this might be the culprit and might have to handle like you describe above.
You’re not alone!! Hang in there <3
Actually, when I was a baby apparently I did the same thing. I would cry until I threw up. My pediatrician told my parents that it was ok and somewhat common and to just clean me up and settle me back down. I’m 30 now, and I’m ok— and I love my parents. Natalie also said do not do anything WITHOUT speaking with the child’s doctor first. Her doctor might suggest that/ might not. It is up to the doctors to help guide parents in an appropriate direction and for the parents to decide whether they agree with those paths or not.
Hi Jess! I wish everyone could see your comment on this blog post <3 Thank you for leaving it.
My 10 month old has been crying herself to sleep for months now. Usually takes 5-15min for her to fall asleep. There have been many times however during sleep training at night that she cried over an hour. And because I physically need sleep to survive I turned the monitor off. If they aren’t sick, hot/cold or unwell in anyway… the crib is a perfectly safe place for them to cry!
In the last month my baby girl won’t nap long. She is constantly waking after 30-40 min. We use a sound machine, sleep sack, she falls asleep on her own in a dark room….and it’s been soo long since she has slept longer than an hour during the day! (Our awake times are 2.5, 3, and 3.5 we’ve been pushing the last one to 4-4.5 since she’s not sleeping long)
My 11 month old is still wanting 3 naps? He wakes around 830-9. I have tried 2 naps and he is so fussy around the 2nd nap around 3-4 but struggles to go down. The main issue is that he does not want to go down for bed until 930 or 10. He will also cry hisself to sleep but he eventually falls asleep and sleeps all night most of the time. What do I need to change so it’s an easier transition for the both of us?
My thoughts exactly. Worst advice.
Agreed. Leaving a baby like that is awful. That’s neglect. You can never be sure they are okay just by looking at the monitor.
Oh wow. Interesting comments and advice.
A baby cries as their ONLY way to communicate – crying is proven to be how a baby releases built up emotions. Yes – babies have feelings and emotions that need to come out.
If a baby cries, listen to their emotions at bedtime, it’s hard the first time. But loving hold them in your arms whilst they cry. It’s very intense but once they are finished their biological relaxation process has occured and they will fall asleep (in your arms) AND they will sleep for longer periods. We have been doing this with our 10month old since she was 8month and she now sleeps all night with 1 feed before midnight. You never need to leave a baby to cry alone. And you never create ‘bad habits’ by having a baby fall asleep in your arms if they have been held to cry.
This approach is from The Aware Baby.
100% agree! Awful advice!! Babies, toddlers and children are not capable of ‘self soothing’. It’s so so wrong. NOT an opinion it’s fact, please do your research it takes 3 parts of the brain to be able to self regulate your emotions which don’t fully mature until you hit puberty. Jes, I’m 30 and still need a hug when I’m upset! I feel so bad for all the babies and mothers that have taken this advice. Save your “thank you” response, it’s cowardly.
P.s I have had zero sleep for going on 12 months, it’s been tough at times but it’s nothing compared to the guilt that will eat you alive after you leave you child to cry all night!
P.ps you have to “sleep train” more than once. After a bad teething patch you have to leave them to cry again. After a illness, yup you’ll leave them to cry again and again and again. Until eventually they’ll give up and stop needing you for support…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Sarah.
Sarah, you’re incorrect on (at least some of) your assumptions here. Not everyone needs to repeat sleep training from scratch. Or at all.
I have no horse in this race as I haven’t used this website for sleep training, I came here looking for advice on this specific sleep regression. But I did sleep train my baby around 6 months and when she was 6.5 months I left her to cry for the first time. It took us less than 1 week and she now goes to bed with no crying or rarely with about 2-3 minutes of crying. We did it progressively from 5 minutes to 40 minutes (which was her maximum) and it worked. Now some of you will say this was neglect or child abuse… but before that, we were spending 2 hours holding her and rocking and singing and going crazy every night, I used to cry with her! So which one do you think is best? 2 hours of inconsolable crying while holding her, or 40 minutes of crying alone in the cot, which only happened a couple of times anyway and now she sleeps well??
Some people here are so quick to judge, as if they know every mum and every baby on the planet.
If the advice isn’t good for you, just jog off. Don’t criticise people you know nothing about. Each to their own!
If you don’t agree with sleep training, then why are you even on this blog post???
To Mothers reading this: this is terrible advice. Your baby needs you!!! If they are crying to the point of being sick they need comfort. Leaving a baby alone until morning is unimaginable to me. This entire post makes me so sad.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, MJ <3 I'm sorry the post makes you feel unhappy, and thankfully there are many resources you and other families may find to be a better fit than what I share. Have a wonderful weekend.
Just want to say thank you for sharing this with us! Nap time has been hard as of recently (bb just turned 11 months). Thank you for normalizing that sleep for baby and PARENTS is necessary. After months of trying to never let my baby cry, I realized that I couldn’t be a zombie mom! It wasn’t good for my son, for me, or for my family. I signed up to have a baby, but I didn’t sign up for extreme exhaustion, giving own health up, or losing myself.
I completely agree! Babies and toddlers are reliant on the connection and closeness of their caregivers to help them feel safe and secure. Isolating a baby, especially a baby who is so upset that he/she is vomiting, is simply cruel. Trying to normalize the practice of abandoning babies during the night is ignorant of their developmental inability to regulate their own fears and anxiety. They are only little for a short time. As inconvenient and exhausting as it may be, our babies depend on us to parent and comfort them at night as well, not just during the day.
Thank you for your comments as well. I know my clients don’t feel they are abandoning their babies, but as we are truly all entitled to our own opinions, I’m grateful you’ve taken the time to share yours.
I can’t believe what I read in your response.
Are you mental? Why would anyone in their right mind advise “consult the doctor first before letting your child vomit and leave them there” are you kidding me? First of all momma’s, unless you have a toddler who is old enough to know when it’s time for bed and knows not to harm themselves, PICK UP your friggin baby and comfort them! Clean them up and rock them or comfort them. It’s your job to keep them safe & not wallering around in their own vomit. Sleep training doesn’t work for everyone. Accept it. It’s literally what you signed up for suck. It. Up.
That’s awful! How could you suggest leaving a distressed baby to cry like that! Just clean her up and don’t interact with her. Absolutely disgraceful. Please mommas don’t take this advice. My baby was the same and would fight naps and cry. I would help sooth him or bf to sleep. Never have I let my baby cry it out. He sleeps great now and he is nearly one. Sleep is a developmental milestone, they all get there in the end. Sleep regressions are temporary. Comfort your babies when they are upset. Period.
Hi Sarah and Brooke,
Thank you for taking time to share your response. Many mothers have taken time to respond on the common issue of a child vomiting during crying. I would encourage everyone to read throughout the comments to decide for themselves what is the appropriate way to proceed in dealing with this issue.
What TERRIBLE advice! I stumbled upon this page and reading it was like a soap opera. Awful, not-evidence based, almost child abuse. Please stop spreading your nonsense!
Hi No thanks,
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
It’s ok to parent during the day, but at night we don’t have to parent anymore because we want our precious sleep?! Everyone go on and have kids, you won’t have to worry about getting no sleep because you can just stop parenting at night!!! You should be ashamed!! Oh those poor, poor babies completely alone in the dark crying for the warmth of their mamas, just wanting to feel them and know that everything is ok. How incredibly heartbreaking!! It’s neglectful and everything about it goes against the natural feeling of being a mother! How could you spread such horrible advice, think about those sweet babies you are doing this to!!!!
it’s hilarious how frequently you’re commenting on this post. go hug a baby and get over it.
Do not listen to this person trying to sell you sleep consultations/training/bs. And cleaning up a baby who is so distraught they just vomited without comforting (and allowing this to happen in the first place) is horrific and constitutes as abuse in my opinion. Moms, “sleep training” is an invention of our overworked society that allows mothers very little maternity leave and encourages putting tiny babies in daycare so moms can get back to the office. With so many innocent babies left to cry until they vomit, no wonder rates of mental illness, depression, anxiety in teens and adults are through the roof.
The lie that your baby doesn’t know how to self soothe without your help to get through the night is bs. The nights my baby falls asleep independently we have no less wake ups than when I nurse or rock to sleep. I never sleep trained and my baby began sleeping through the night around 10 months. Do we have hiccups or periods where my child is more wakeful? Sure. Do you as an adult sleep 12 straight hours every night? Of course not. You probably use the bathroom or drink a sip of water at the least. Our babies need us, and they are only this little for a short time. Don’t listen to someone trying to sell you something or make money off of you – I have nothing to gain from posting this except concern over this country’s youth.
First of all, thank you for taking the time to comment. I think you bring up extremely important points and I’m grateful for the opportunity you’ve given me to respond to them.
The honest reality is, many (many many) babies vomit when they’re upset. Some have a propensity for vomiting due to reflux. Others vomit easily because they are put down soon after eating and the crying causes milk to come easily. Still others may intentionally make themselves vomit in order to elicit a response from a caretaker. I ALWAYS have parents discuss vomiting with the pediatrician first, to ensure it’s safe both emotionally and physically to clean baby up and continue the process of independent sleep.
You are one million precent right that sleep training is often needed because women are wholly unsupported via maternity leave programs in the US. However, BST has users in countries world wide, including those with robust maternity leave. This is because fractured sleep can be harmful for both infants and parents, despite Mom needing to return to work. Many women suffer crippling post partum mood disorders and are unable to recover without long stretches of unfractured sleep overnight. Finally, and sadly, many infant’s can’t sleep well even if their parent chooses to co-sleep. In cases like this, a parent may deem it’s necessary for the health and safety of both mom and baby to go through the process of sleep training.
Thankfully, sleep training has been shown to be safe, and contrary to popular misinformation, does not contribute to, “mental illness, depression, anxiety in teens and adults” rates being, “through the roof.”
Here’s a great article written by a PhD on the subject.
Again, thank you so much for the opportunity to respond to these concerns.
There is no question that sleep deprivation is pure misery,. But I think there are kinder, gentler ways to get your baby to sleep without leaving them to scream, scratch themselves until they bleed, and vomit. These ways do not require payment of sums of money to someone over the internet. And as for your comment that some babies will intentionally vomit to elicit a response, where is your scientific proof of that? Do you really believe an infant is capable of forced vomiting to manipulate a parent? That’s ludicrous. They’re tiny babies who seek parental love and comfort. Their survival depends on it.
I will answer 100% honestly. I’ve literally worked with *thousands* of families, and yes, there are some children who simply do not respond to more gradual forms of sleep training. Parents come to me after doing literally EVERYTHING they can, including working with “gentle” sleep coaches because the family is in agony due to lack of sleep. Further, I’ve had at least two women get into car accidents, one with their child in the car, due to lack of sleep.
I suppose my proof regarding your question on vomiting is directly from the families I work with, plus viewing the footage of children intentionally sticking their fingers into their mouths to vomit. I suppose I wouldn’t believe it was possible either, without personal experience along with reports from parents. Finally, many pediatricians have echoed that vomiting can be performed on demand in order to elicit the response a child is desiring. I have personally seen with my eyes messages from doctors to my clients which they forward to me that states variations on the statement I just made.
If the desired response is assisted sleep, and parents are withholding the assisted sleep with approval from their doctor, and as part of a larger strategy to help a child overcome sleep issues, I think it’s up to the parent to decide if that is right for their family. I would say I’ve personally witnessed intentional vomiting in kids aged 6/7 months through to 3-4 years hundreds of times. After working with over 10,000 families I have seen many things most people wouldn’t believe.
Case in point: this woman’s comment to the poster whose baby is self harming at night was to use a different swaddle to cover his hands. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know.
I replied in detail to your previous comment. Many infants scratch at themselves, and covering their hands is an effective tool to keep them from doing so. It may not be the right choice for some parents, and I’m glad for the chance to offer it as a solution.
I’m unable to reply to your comment above, but i understand cio may truly be a last resort for some families, and I sympathize with them. If an infant or young child is forcing themselves to vomit as you say, that seems to say a lot about the state of distress they are in. Many responses to sleep training I have heard sound eerily similar to self-harming (scratching, banging head on crib, inducing vomiting).
As I’d stated before, if I hadn’t worked directly with kids and parents across so many thousands of families and so many years, I’d likely have a different perspective on the whole thing that I do. Thank you for engaging in thoughtful dialogue <3 Have a wonderful day!!
My daughter is 10months old and recently refusing to go down at night. Up until this point she always went down awake without any fuss then fell asleep. She also wakes during the night, which never happened before except on very odd occassions. Could you give me any advice?.
Hi Ashley!! These things happen. Once she starts being assisted to sleep in any way, it becomes necessary to sleep train her.
One of my 9.5mo twins is doing this right now! The other twin still sleeps like a dream for her second nap, but her sister takes as much as an hour to fall asleep. She lays down and kicks at her mattress, makes a kind of bored moaning sound, and sits/stands in her crib before she finally sleep. Honestly if she didn’t have a twin sister who was already asleep during these antics I’d probably have gone to get her, but I don’t want to jeopardize the other twins sleep, and she’s not crying or upset even, she also will eventually sleep. I guess we will just wait it out! I was nervous this meant she would be dropping her second nap soon, I’m so not ready to give that up yet.
You are doing GREAT! Just wait it out and it will pass <3
My 9.5 mo just started doing this… Her both naps are such a struggle and she has been waking a bit earlier than normal also. Because her second nap ends up being much shorter, she ends up pushing like 5 hours until bedtime. She still managed to stay awake that long! I’m comforted after reading this post that there isn’t much I can do about it other than letting it run its course. Thank you!
I’m so glad this made you feel better – I promise this is so so very normal and will pass with time. Just stay the course and give her the time to process through this.
Is this possible to happen at an earlier age? My baby has just turned 9 months and it seems to sound very much like this aswell?
It is possible, yes!
My son is turning one this week and is protesting BOTH naps but standing and crying in his crib. It’s been almost two weeks of this – is it time to transition to one nap?
HI Sarah, this might help.
My baby isn’t fighting her naps, but is laying around and talking for thirty minutes before falling asleep at bedtime and waking up early. I’m comforted knowing that this is a phase, this is not my fault and this too shall pass! Thanks for the post!
I’m so glad you’ve found it helpful!
My son is 11.5 months and just learned to pull to a stand. He has been an amazing sleeper up to this point (we could lay him down fully awake and he’d put himself to sleep), but since he’s learn to stand, he cries when we leave the room now and stands up in his crib until we return. We are afraid to let him cry it out standing as he hasn’t learned how to get back down yet and we don’t want him to fall and hit his head on the crib walls. However, we are now spending 1-2 hours rocking him to sleep and placing him in his crib with 1-2 night wakings. Should we just endure this until he learns to get down from a standing position on his own?
Because assisted sleep has restarted, re-training will likely be necessary. I’d call the pediatrician and ask if it’s safe to retrain baby right now in a Pack n Play, asking if the soft sides enable you to avoid intervening even if he is standing. Check out this blog post on how to protect sleep during milestones. Don’t proceed with any changes to what you are currently doing without getting advice from the pediatrician *first*.
Hi Natalie, my 11 month old son will typically fall asleep easily for nap but is waking after 40 minutes. Do you recommend letting him cry in crib for another 30 minutes or getting him up after a short nap? He used to take 1:30-3 hour naps easily.
You can let him, but it’s unlikely that will result in him falling back to sleep. I’d give him at least 10-15 mins if you know he’s safe, and some families do choose to wait for a full 30 mins.
My son is 9 months and this sounds exactly like him! He is sleep trained and did a really good job of sleeping, but now that he can stand, he pops up and stands up in the middle of the night! He has not figured out how to get back down and cries for so long, even after we put him down and rub his back etc. Any suggestions?? This has been going on for a week and we are exhausted!
HI Jincy – this might help. https://www.babysleeptrainer.com/how-to-protect-sleep-during-milestones/
My 11.5 month old was sleeping through the night. At about 8 months he started waking up in the middle of the night to eat again. Since 9 months he’s been waking up EVERY 3 hours and the only way I can get him back to sleep is with a bottle. He literally will eat an 8 oz bottle every 3 hours currently. We have transitioned from the baby food to ‘real’ food. And we are half way through transitioning to whole milk from formula. At night I have tried to let him fuss and check on him every 10-15 min to let him know I’m still here and to lay him back down. I’m losing more and more sleep! HELP!!
Hey Allie!! I’d ask your pediatrician if it’s okay to stop all night feeds. Then, I’d find a sleep training program you feel comfortable implementing. Go over it with your pediatrician and if they approve it, you can start it anytime. You not alone <3 This happens to lots of babies, and the good news is once you're ready to sleep train, you can overcome these issues quite quickly. Check out how Baby Sleep Trainer can help you through the training process. https://www.babysleeptrainer.com/purchase/
Hi Natalie, My son is 11 months old and has always been a solid sleeper (7pm-6:30am overnight, 10am-11am, and 2pm-3pm). The past couple of days he’s been waking up earlier, shortened his morning nap to 45 minutes, and been refusing to nap in the afternoon unless he’s being held. I do think another tooth is coming in so that may be a factor. He used to suck his thumb to soothe himself and I noticed he stopped doing that a week or so ago. He was exhausted yesterday after he refused the afternoon nap. When he refuses the nap he’s not quiet in his crib either, he’s screaming his head off so he’s not even resting. I don’t want to create a bad habit by holding him during his naps. We are staying with my parents right now and I feel bad making them listen to him scream.
If he’s being assisted to sleep for nap two, then he’ll just need to be re sleep trained to get things back on track. Once you’re able to resume sleep training with CIO it may take just a few weeks for him to move past this issue. As long as you keep assisting him to sleep, I would expect this struggle to continue.
Hi Natalie! Thanks for your article! My 10 month-old has been having trouble with her second nap. Some afternoons, she will eventually fall asleep, but it can take an hour or longer. What are your thoughts on letting her take over an hour to fall asleep? (In crib at 2, falls asleep at 3:30, wake her up by 4:15 so she has normal bedtime) Should I get her up if it 9s taking longer than an hour? It seems like this has been going on for longer than a couple weeks for us. She has remained consistent in sleeping well at night–yay!
I guess it’s okay if it takes her longer than an hour, as long as she’s up by 4:15.
This article might be helpful for you, too.
My newly 12 month old has started crying when I lay him down for his second nap. He falls asleep pretty quickly but still protests it. However, he’ll wake up 30-45 minutes later and scream/cry until we go get him. How do I help this? Sometimes he does this for both naps or sometimes just for one. We haven’t see any night wakings really but we do see early morning wakings sometimes. This has gone on for 2 weeks now.
I don’t think you can help him. He’s protesting how he feels, and simply might just need less sleep. You could try to move nap time about 15-30 minutes later and see if that helps.
My almost 12m old has been doing this (protesting his second nap) on and off for about two months. As in, 1 or 2 days a week he will just completely refuse it. Wake times are age appropriate, he’s sleeping through the night and there’s nothing out of the ordinary routine-wise on those protest days. When I first found your blog post, it really helped to assure me that it was the 10-12 month regression, but is this still a plausible explanation given it’s been going on for quite some time now? Thank you in advance!!
Yep! I think it is <3 It sounds like most of the time he's still taking nap two so that's good. With time it'll either improve to where he takes 2 naps each day every week, or he'll eventually transition to just one nap.
My 10 month old used to take 1.5 hour naps twice a day and go down independently. Now he is waking after 30-40 minutes and won’t go back to sleep unless I nurse and hold him. I’ve been doing this for over a week now! Did I just accidentally cause a bad sleep association? How do I fix this? Mama needs a break!
Yes <3 once you choose to start assisting him to sleep, you created the need to re sleep train. I'd stop the assistance to sleep and simply allow for short naps. They'll lengthen on their own with time.
My almost 11 month old has refused the second nap everyday for over two weeks now. Sleeps 11 hrs at night and nap #1 is usually 9-11:30. Both of those he falls asleep unassisted. I try for nap #2 around 2:45ish and he screams and cries and refuses to sleep. Do I leave him in there screaming for an hour? Do i wake him up from nap #1 ( Why would I ever wake a sleeping baby!?!) I tried to go to one nap and he was a mess by 10:30am. Would appreciate any advice!
If you are following the Baby Sleep Trainer method, you’d give baby 60 minutes of uninterrupted time (as long as they are safe) in the crib for nap two every day for 2 weeks, and I’d start that nap attempt no later than 2:30 pm. If there is no second nap for 2 weeks, you’d transition to one nap. I would limit nap one to no more than 2 hours .
And yes once you make the 2 to 1 nap transition, expect it will 100% be a learning curve with crankiness from about 10:30 am to noon for several weeks until baby gets used to just one nap. You can gradually move them to that nap start time.
Our baby is 10 months now and he’s been waking up earlier and earlier every day. He goes to bed at 7:30pm and moved from waking up between 6:00-6:20 to shortly past 5:00 am. Lots of times he’s obviously still tired but refuses to go back to sleep on his own and screams from the second he opens his eyes.
His first nap is at 9:30 and sleeps until 10:30-11:00. In the afternoon, he goes to bed at 2:30-2:45 and sleeps for about an hour.
We are worried that he’s going to wake up earlier and earlier and we don’t know how to prevent this.
And is he getting enough sleep?
This article might help: https://www.babysleeptrainer.com/toddler-baby-waking-up-too-early/
My 11.5 month baby had been refusing 100% his second nap for 10 days. Then he did took it for two days, but only because I put him down until 4 pm and woke him after 30 minutes (he is on an 8 am – 8 pm schedule). Also, on those two days he did took his second nap, he had only slept for 45 minutes for his first nap (at 11 am, because he cries if I put him down earlier). But after those two days, he napped longer for his first nap (60-120 minutes), so he didn’t fall asleep for his second nap. He falls asleep unassisted and for his second nap I live him alone for 30-60 minutes.
My question is, should I cut his first nap to 45 minutes to see if that way he takes his second nap? Or should I let him sleep longer for his first nap and keep leaving him alone in his crib for 60 minutes for his second nap until this happens for two straight weeks?
Thank you very much in advance for your help! Your blog and Instagram has been extremely helpful for us!!
Hi Dinah!! I think this is what’s happening:
You can try to limit nap one. Sometimes that works well (other times, not so much – but it doesn’t hurt to ry for about a week).
And thank you for your kind words – I’m so glad all the resources have been helpful for you <3
Hi Natalie! My 11mo had been doing this going on 6 weeks now. She also often protests the morning instead. Is it normal for this to last so long? Desperate to get 2 naps back!
This might be what’s going on.
We are trying to re-train our 10 month old to put himself to sleep again, and he is really fighting his naps. His night time sleep is not so bad, but naps are getting more and more difficult. We try not to go into his room after we lay him down awake, but he starts to really scratch himself on his arms and neck to the point where his skin gets very red and even bleeding. We tried putting socks on his hands, but he either takes them off or keeps on scratching through the socks. We are not sure if its really itchy or this is something he does to self soothe or when he gets frustrated. Is there anything you can recommend?
I wonder if a Zipadee sleep sack might be better?
That’s all you have to say? Her child is self harming, presumably after following your advice to cio, and you tell her to choose a new swaddle? Unreal.
I’ve replied in detail to your other comments. Readers can ctrl+f to find my responses if they’re curious to see them.
If you don’t like what is being recommended, please just go elsewhere. I am trying to read people’s stories and your arguing with the author is so frustrating. She isn’t recommending anything cruel at all..please be mature enough to understand intent and context and kindly stop.
Anjali I wish we were friend in real life <3
People don’t scratch themselves to “self soothe” Scratching until you bleed is not self soothing. Wow! This is unbelievable.
Please don’t treat your children like this.
People!!! You are asking a stranger on the internet for permission to ignore your kids crying for you!?
I have a 10m 2w old. Two days ago he refused his second nap. Then today he took his first two hours later than normal at 11:00 instead of 9 and slept until 12:40. Then at bedtime 6pm he kept getting up and standing in his crib and did not seem tired at all. He kept standing up and I kept putting him down until finally at 7:30 he went down and stayed down for the night. Is this the sleep regression? And if so, how do I get him to not keep standing in his crib?
These two blog posts may be helpful to you:
We are entering week 3 of no second nap with our almost 11 month old who since BST has been a consistently good napper and night sleeper. Very likely a developmental milestone (walking) and don’t think she’s ready for one nap. Her morning nap and night sleep had so far been fine.
Her wake windows seem to have lengthened the past few weeks, plus she’s been taking a 1.5-2 hour nap in the morning which has her often waking at noon. I’ve tried putting her down at 3:30, but she just doesn’t seem tired at all (maybe it’s just regression/FOMO, but she shows NO signs of being ready to go down for a nap). Hard to get her to rest/sleep without it extending past 4pm. Will she start getting more tired for an afternoon nap once the regression has past or is this a sign that she may be transitioning to one nap soon-ish? Practicing patience and trusting the process!
It sounds like she is fully into the 10-12 month sleep regression described in this post. I would limit nap on to 75 minutes, start nap two no later than 3 pm, making sure it ends no later than 4. Even with these changes, she may not nap for nap two for quite while. This is what this regression is all about . It starts, then it stops. If she is over the age of 12 months and still has not started to take a second nap consistently, switch her to one nap <3
We are entering week 3 of no second nap with our almost 11 month old who since BST has been a consistently good napper and night sleeper. Very likely a developmental milestone (walking) and don’t think she’s ready for one nap. Her morning nap and night sleep had so far been fine.
Her wake windows seem to have lengthened the past few weeks, plus she’s been taking a 1.5-2.5 hour nap in the morning which has her often waking at (or just past) noon. I’ve tried putting her down at 3:30, but she just doesn’t seem tired at all (maybe it’s just regression/FOMO, but she shows NO signs of being ready to go down for a nap). Hard to get her to rest/sleep without it extending past 4pm. Will she start getting more tired for an afternoon nap once the regression has past or is this a sign that she may be transitioning to one nap soon-ish? Practicing patience and trusting the process!
I replied above.
Hi Natalie, I always find comfort in advice like this, so thank you for doing what you do even if it’s not a popular belief. My daughter turns one in a couple of days and our sleep schedule has just turned upside down. She started going to a new in home daycare for 5 hours 2x a week and that’s when most (but not all) our trouble started. She has been refusing at least one of her naps most days, and has increased in intensity and length of screaming before eventually falling asleep for naps and bedtime. I’m not sure what to do bc I hate hearing her scream. Nothing helps though. Even when I try to comfort her she just does not want to be going to bed and refuses any of it to the point she has started shoving me in the face. I feel like I have been consistent in our routines (minus the new daycare) and have not given in until recently to the cries. I just really don’t know how to handle the situation.
If she’s totally healthy and safe, I’d give her some space and try not interacting with her at bedtime and when she’s crying for naps. I bet in a week or so she’ll get used to the at home daycare change and things will settle down.
My baby (he turns 13 months old in two days), had been refusing completely his second nap 5 or 6 days out of 7 in a week, for almost two months now. I have been waiting for the two straight week to happen in order to switch him to one nap. But this past four days he has been refusing his first nap completely, even though he has been waking earlier for the day than usual.
I have tried putting him down 30 minutes later but it hasn’t changed anything. When he skips his first nap, I put him down for his second nap at 3:30 pm (he is in a 8 am to 8 pm schedule) because he only sleeps for 30 minutes. Should I put him down until his scheduled second nap even though that means he is awake for a loooot of hours?
He also has just stared walking.
Is this still the 10-12 month sleep regression or is it due to his walking, or what is happening? What do you recommend I should do??
Thank you so much for your help. Your blog and Instagram have been really helpful for our family. I recommend you all the time to my friends who have babies. God bless you!
Greetings from Mexico 🙂
Hello to Mexico <3 If he does this for another week, switch to one nap.
My baby is nearly 10 months, and has been napping at 830 or so to 10 or 1015 and again at 130 or so til about 3 for awhile now. We went away last weekend and he slept in a pack and play. He protested nap 2 for 2 days but slept, and then did not nap at all the next 3 days. We have a nanny during the week though and he has been going down without even a noise for her since last weekend. Though this weekend, he protested nap 2 for me. He would not fall asleep at all again. Very confused and frustrated, as well as not sure what is best for him at this point. He was worse then ever today, screaming and jumping and even threw up. Would love an opinion!
It wounds like he’s getting older and more aware. As long as you’re certain he’s totally heathy and safe, I’d stick with being consistent and I bet he’ll go back to napping normally soon.
Your advise is incredibly helpful and I’ve found a lot of comfort in reading about your method. I have an 11 month old son who has overall been a pretty good sleeper. We did CIO at 4 months and he has hit every regression since then but we kept it consistent and he normally bounced out of those within a week.
We are now in the full blown 10-12 month regression and it’s been awful. I’m constantly wondering what I’m doing wrong and if it is time to switch to 1 nap already.
Quick back story:
We left our home 3 weeks ago to visit my family (different time zone; + 6hrs) and I knew it would take time for him to adjust but I don’t think it would take 3 weeks. He fights both of his naps consistently throwing tantrums for about 30min before falling asleep or he just refuses all together which results him falling asleep at random times. On top of that, he wakes up 1-4 times every night. His schedule before he started protesting:
7am: Wake up
9:30am: Nap; 1 hr – 1.5 hr
1:30pm: Nap; 1 hr – 1.5 hr
7:30pm: In crib, lights out and he is normally asleep within 30min
I still put him down at the same times and for naps I let him cry it out and get him up after 1,5 hrs the latest. I don’t want to change into a new routine because we are going back home in 3 weeks and maybe it’s truly just this time/environment adjustment that makes it so hard for him. I can’t just let him CIO during the night because of family members so I always go in and I get him back to sleep by rubbing his back but he will start waking up again often after an hour or two. I’m so exhausted especially because I still work US time zone so I don’t go to bed before 11pm the earliest but I’m up several times during the night and then for good at 7pm.
Do you think I should just keep going or is it really time to transition to one nap?
Thanks for your help,
I think if you are unable to do any CIO/sleep training while on you trip, just hang tight til you get home and then retrain him to fall back to sleep without assistance. I don’t think transitioning to one nap will help, as it sounds like the issue revolves around him wanting help to fall back to sleep when he wakes. I don’t think the nap issues are causing the night wakings. They started for whatever reason they started, and if you’re interacting/helping him fall back to sleep when he wakes, then that is likely why the issue has persisted <3
Our almost 13 month old was sleeping pretty well at night, going down around 7pm drowsy but awake and getting up around 6am, 2 naps around 9am and 2pm. If she woke at night, usually I could go in and give her a pacifier (if it fell out of the crib) and she’d go back to sleep. She was recently sick with a cold and had a tooth come in at the same time, so she was waking up multiple times a night and sometimes asked to nurse (by pointing to her nursing chair), I’m sure more for comfort than food. Now the cold is gone, the tooth is out, and she’s still waking up multiple times a night wanting to nurse or just be held by mama. She’s also pushing her morning nap later since she sleeps in due to the bad sleep at night, and will only get a short car seat nap in the afternoon when dad picks her up (not sure if that factors in to night time). Any tips to get through this? My plan is to let her cry it out instead of going in the room multiple times and nursing out but it breaks my heart.
All of these issues can be resolved with sleep training.
I’d get started here:
Make sure you train her for naps and overnight sleep.
Please check out the BST+Support program if you’re in need of any more support <3
My daughter is 10 months and she has been sleeping perfectly for naps and at night after she was sleep trained at around 4 months. She is still napping as usual (two naps 9-10 and 13.30/14.00- 15.00). The past days however she has been starting to wake up frequently at night and cries for about 2 hours (after I have checked her). She is not teething and isn’t sick. Is this also a sleep regression? I’m your post you mainly mention regression in naps….
I’m sorry to hear she’s struggling at night. This blog post may help:
Hi, my 11 month baby used to sleep 2 naps of 1.5 or 2 hours. He used to fall asleep in 10 minutes now it takes an hour to fall asleep and today he did not sleep in the second nap. What should i do?
Assist him to sleep or just wait until the nap time is over. Please help.
I’d try moving one or both nap between 30-60 min later and see if that helps. Avoid helping him fall asleep if you can.
Going through this now with 11-month baby refusing the second nap. He goes down tired and talks to himself which them escalates to crying. We’ve been trying and then resorting to a car nap and he always sleeps. Do you recommend the car nap as backup or should we just forfeit a nap and move on? What will help move us past this regression? I certainly don’t want to reinforce napping only in a car. First nap is smooth. Thank you!!
I would avoid assisting him to sleep. That will compound the problem majorly. Try keeping him up about 15-30 min later than normal for nap two, but make sure he goes down awake (not too sleepy). If he doesn’t fall asleep, don’t get in the car. Just keep baby up til bedtime and try again the next day <3
My 12 (nearly 13m) old is a great sleeper – usually. He just started flatly (and loudly!) refusing his second naps, when he’s usually happy to take them. We just did a major international move and he’s getting used to a new nanny – all things that I know require some grace and adjustment. How long should I stick with the ‘cry for an hour’ and then give up the nap and move on with the day? Is there anyway I can support him to settle into his same routine in a new place?
This advice is gold. My fifth child is doing this very thing, never happened with the first four, so I was at a loss of what to do. I was curious if this was a common sleep regression time and whether or not I should start moving him to only one nap. Now I feel confident with continuing to keep our schedule of two naps.
Overall, I endorse all of your sleep training methods according to my experience with five kids! Sleep deprivation is so damaging to both babies and parents that I can’t imagine not training my kids. My fifth baby has been the most difficult sleeper and alongside his terrible sleeping I have had the worst bout of postpartum depression and mood disorder. However, now that he is more consistently sleeping, I have felt “cured” of my PPD and mood issues. Thank you for helping moms and babies be the best they can be.
PS: All of my children feel loved and love me. We all have very strong bonds, even those who had to cry a little more to figure out how to fall asleep.
Thank you for this awesome comment! Really!! And I’m SO thrilled to hear (tho not surprised) that sleep has helped the PPD issues <3
Hi, my 13 month baby used to sleep two naps by himself 1.5 o 2 hours, now he refuse to sleep, we are entering in the 3rd weeks of problems. SOmetimes he sleep 30 minutes. DOnt know what to do
Hi Candy!! I’d love to help. I think I need to know a bit more about what’s going on in order to find a solution. I’d check out my online courses to see if one might be a good fit for you.
Hi, my 11 month old has recently started fighting both naps. Similar to a previous comment some naps are now barely 30 minutes. What can I do? We currently go off of EWS/Huckleberry should we switch to a time schedule? Any advice would be appreciated 🙂
Hmmm this is a good question. Without know a lot more about what’s going on, I’m not sure I can give you accurate advice. Check out my online courses for more info on how we can work together to resolve these issues.
My 11 month old babe was sick all last week and thankfully now has recovered. Unfortunately, his naps are a complete mess now. He was a 2 naps/day guy but now refuses both naps. He will literally only sleep in my arms to nap. I tried to let him cry it out for both naps yesterday and he did not sleep! It also broke my heart. He only slept 20 min in the car the entire day! What if CIO just isn’t working? How long do I try for.? I don’t remember it being this challenging when we first slept trained him at 5 months.
Oh mama!! I’m so sorry this is happening. I would return to whatever formal training plan you used to train him in the first place. It may be harder this time around, but it should work with time.
Would you advise re-sleep training during regression. I’m pretty sure that’s what my 11m old is going through as she was a great sleeper prior to this but since almost 3 weeks it has become so bad that I just end up bed sharing which ends up with both of us not sleeping well as she constantly wakes up (15-30m) to have milk throughout the night. My question is, do I wait till this regression is over. She has started vomiting recently also. I’m at a loss. I certainly don’t want to make this bed sharing a new habit. Thank you.
As long as you are certain baby is 100% healthy and your pediatrician approves sleep training, I would start anytime you’re ready. Talk to the pediatrician about the vomiting so you can ensure that baby is totally healthy and that the vomiting isn’t due to illness.
This is horrendous advice.
I don’t doubt that you have some good outcomes from what you advise people (anything works if you do it long enough), but babies are 100% reliant on caregivers to do just that – give care! To make them feel safe, secure, and loved.
No matter what terms you try and use, telling someone to leave a child who is so upset they are vomiting is emotional neglect. Any reputable health care professional would tell you that.
And while you can try and comfort parents by reassuring them their baby is safe, the baby does not know that. They are scared, confused, upset and desperate to feel safe, and you are advising that that is taken away.
I don’t have any issues with people using elements of sleep training When drones safely but you need to have limits, and what you advised the mother above is horrific and utterly shameful.
If you truely Stand by that advice then I suggest you re-train.
I think it might be helpful to take a peek at the comment Jes left just above your comment.
I’m repulsed by this as well Ruth.
I’m seriously on the verge of crying knowing that mothers leave their babies to vomit and cry all night AND how someone like this “sleep trainer” defends it. I’m appalled.
I’ve posted before and your advice has always been effective for my children! 🙂
My daughter will be 13 months in a couple days. She is sleep trained. She typically naps from 9am-1015am and again from 145-3pm sleeping overnight from 7pm-545am falling asleep independently. Recently, she has been playing around in her crib and falling asleep closer to 730pm at night the past few nights. She also shortened her morning naps a couple days in a row (9-945am) but then her afternoon nap those days was longer 115-3pm. Just this morning she refused her morning nap for the first time. She’s definitely been working on verbal and physical development so I don’t think she’s necessarily ready to drop a nap, but I’m wondering how to handle it when she refuses her morning nap? Should I get her up at try again 30 minutes later? Do I try bumping her nap time to 9:30 for a few days and see how that goes? What would be your first course of action? Is the goal to still fit in 2 naps somehow? I know we should remain consistent with routines during a regression, but I’m wondering what the hard fast boundaries of nap wake up time should be. Thank you!
If she skips a nap, just keep her up til her next scheduled nap time. Having said that, remember nap one can start anytime from 9 am to 10 am, and nap two from 1:30 pm to 2:30 pm, so feel free to try a later start time for nap one, and if it works, move nap two later. Don’t let her nap past 3:30 pm.
It’s mind blowing that someone profits financially by advising parents to let their infant cry until they vomit. And abandon them through the night. I guess greed can make people do terrible things.
This is absolutely child abuse, no matter what commercialized views try to be sold to parents. Here’s a great idea: if you don’t like waking up with a baby, don’t have one or give the baby to someone who won’t abuse them.
Disgusting. People will do anything for money. Exploiting sleep deprived parents by encouraging them to abuse children: what has the world come to?
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on this blog post. As you can see, your feelings are not unique, and many moms have taken the time to share their nuanced perspective on this issues Thankfully I don’t feel like I profit from abusing people’s children, and I can understand why you would choose to frame it that way.
Commenter Jes has a good perspective to share, and Kara and I had a great back and forth a few months back. For anyone who is interested, I would ctrl+f “jes” and then “kara” to read through our discussions.
Have a wonderful week <3
Your advice seems reasonable to me. I sleep train my children and I certainly don’t get in the habit of visiting them in the middle of the night unless something strikes me as out of the ordinary. Bedtime is bedtime,
Teaching a child to fall asleep and return to sleep on their own is an invaluable skill that will serve them and the whole family well, for years to come, I’ve always found it interesting how a segment of internet moms believes they own the morality of baby sleep and that if we don’t rush to our child and comfort them in every instance, we are somehow less of a parent, a mom, and in some cases even called a child abuser as one commenter above does.
To any moms out there who are on the brink of losing their sanity due to sleep deprivation, please don’t let this comment section be the judge of what you do. These people clearly think they have some sort of moral superiority over the rest of us, who simply value reliable sleep for all.
Thank you for following up with this message! Your thoughts are truly valuable to this discussion and I’m grateful you shared them.
Thank you for this comment!
Sorry, but I actually agree that this isn’t good advice. I can see maybe leaving baby for a short while (maybe half an hour) and then going in to check on him/her if they are still not settled for the night. But leaving baby all night by themselves is terrible! This insecure attachment/neglect has a negative affect on a child’s development.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
My baby is 9.5 months and since she turned 9 months she has all of a sudden needed help going to sleep during her nap times. Before this she has always been able to fall asleep independently for all sleeps including naps. She is still able to fall asleep independently at night time and her night time sleep is still good but at both naps she requires us to help her a lot more than before, to the point where she is basically asleep when we put her down. Is this considered a sleep regression if it’s only happening at nap time, and do you have any suggestions? We are about to implement the 20 minute rule from Precious Little Sleep but not sure if we should make it an hour? What if she cries for the whole hour?
Hey!! Yes, it’s just time to sleep train her again. Once you started to assist her to sleep, she lost the ability to fall asleep on her own. Whatever method you used to train her to fall asleep independently in the first place is the one you can use again right now.
My girl has recently begun to refuse her second nap, by enjoying a nice long first nap (1.5-2hrs). However, her night sleep has gotten better? She has done a stretch of 13 hour sleeps She is 10.5 months old. Any advice? Limit first nap? Roll with it? Thank you!!!!
It’s really up to you, but I’d urge you to consider this guide when deciding to transition from one nap to two:
Thanks for the tips! She is on day 8 of refusing second nap. No complaining, just not falling asleep. She is always happy regardless. She gets slightly cranky right before bed time, but goes down without any trouble. I’ll see if she refuses for 6 more days and make a decision then!
Omg! My son is 10 months old ,This is the exact thing happening with my son.he is taking his first name but when it’s time to second name he will cry a lot after crying 10-15 minutes he will take nap.and I was thinking same thing to give him 1 nap a day what you just describe above.was searching for transition for 1 nap and find out this advice.it’s life saver.thank you thank you.
I’m SO SO glad you found it helpful!!!
Hi Natalie, Im a mother of twins who recently turned 11 months, they used to be the best sleepers ever and with the 3-2 nap transition everything went crazy and now their naps are all over the place. Im trying with a 30 min short nap in the morning to try and get a good lunch nap around 1pm, but one of my girls refuses to sleep anything longer than 30 min to an hour! Which is making bedtime 6pm every day now, I really want to go back to a 7pm bedtime. What do you recommend I do? Is it ok to stretch her 4.5/5 hrs at this age?
Thanks so much!
Hi Jojo!! I’d follow this guide for how to manage 2 naps. In short, nap one cannot start earlier than 9 am, and nap 2 shouldn’t start earlier than 1:30 pm, and regardless of nap lengths, etc, don’t do bedtime before 7 pm. You’ve got this!
Hi Natalie, my 10 month old twin girls were sleeping through the night until recently. Now they are waking up very early (5:30) and sometimes have wakings in the night. They have been having shorter naps as well. I have started staying in the room until they fall asleep so that they do not cry themselves to sleep. That seems to have helped reduce crying, but they are waking up more often and earlier. What would you recommend?
It sounds like it’s time for sleep training <3
We’re currently going through this, and I feel like I’m at a breaking point. I’m exhausted from trying and re-entering the room and battling through this stage.
My little is 11 months and has suddenly decided no naps are what she wants. She refuses both naps and then by 4pm she’s completely exhausted!
(I feel like I have to go back in because she throws her soother out of the crib and onto the floor and starts Screaming for it.)
Then she’s so tired it’s an even bigger battle to get her to sleep at night.
We mamas are strong I tell ya, but boy is it difficult..
I think this can partly be resolved with sleep training (she is not sleep trained because she relies on a paci to fall asleep). Also, it sounds like she’s going through the 2 to 1 nap transition.
My baby is sleep trained and we are going through sleep regression stage for so long already, I don’t even know if this is still sleep regression. When my baby was 9 months and he would wake up at night for feeding and after that, we’d put him back down in the crib, he’d be able to go back to sleep 5-20 minutes. But suddenly on his 10th month until the present, he’s been staying awake after being placed in his crib for 1-3 hours by himself before falling asleep and we are on our 7th week now. I read that sleep regressions are supposed to be 2-6 weeks only and we are already passed that. I am worried, please help!
I’d ask the pediatrician if it’s ok to cut the night feeding and do checks instead. That may stop the issue you’re struggling with after a week or two.
Hi Natalie. Thanks for this post. My daughter is a lovely sleeper, until the last 2-3 weeks. She sleeps 11.5-12 hours at night, loves her morning nap (1.5hrs) and usually also loves her afternoon naps (2hrs). However, she has been refusing her afternoon nap most days for the last 2 weeks. She was sleep trained at 4.5 months, almost never held to sleep her entire life (I have nerve issues in my arms so this was never going to be an option) and never wakes at night – last time this happened she was maybe 5 or 6 months old. Everyone keeps telling me to drop her to one nap, but that did not make sense to me based on what I have read. I thought I was doing something wrong, but now I know to stay the course and continue to leave her in the crib even if she is not napping.
You are SO SO welcome!! I’m so glad this blog post was helpful for you <3
I was looking for advice for nap skipping but the advice given on this website makes me feel ill, it’s heartbreaking to think of people actually thinking it is okay to leave a baby to cry until they are sick.. If you are going to let your baby cry until they are sick or leave them crying in their room until morning then you should not have had a baby. they cannot regulate their emotions, they need you to help them. Sleep regressions pass and most babies are not actually capable of sleeping through the night. Sleep is a milestone that will be hit on it’s own much like many other milestones. your babies need you to help them. this is a great resource for any tired mamas – https://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleep/
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You’ll see several other people have shared a similar comment and I’ve taken the time to reply in detail. Please feel free to check out my previous responses is you wish.
I don’t know how I ended up on your page but honestly this is awful awful advice!! Leaving a baby to cry alone is cruel…. Leaving them to cry all night alone until they throw up in my opinion is neglectful parenting and borderline abuse. Would you treat an older child or your partner the same way.? No. So why do babies get this treatment? Because they are small they are viewed as less than. Sleep deprivation is certainly hard but it’s not forever. Don’t let sleep consume your life or buy into the narrative that babies need to be sleep trained. It’s complete BS.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. on the blog post.
Hi Natalie, I have a 51 week old baby, who takes 2 naps (average 1 hour each), and sleeps about 10-11 hours at night. It’s harder to get her to nap but she was generally able to put herself to sleep at night, until about 2 weeks ago, where she seemed to suddenly develop separation anxiety and wouldn’t let me leave her alone to fall asleep independently anymore. Now I have to stay in the room to soothe her until she falls asleep.
She’s also been resisting her naps more, and sometimes i have to abort the nap mission and try again later. If this happens on the second nap, she ends up napping really late. What should I do about the nap duration, and her bedtime in these cases? Usually she would wake from her second nap between 3.45-4.45pm, and I will put her down to bed between 7.30-8pm. Thank you!
Anytime you begin to assist baby to sleep, it simply means you’ll want to sleep train them to train them to fall asleep on their own. I would suggest checking out my online courses if you need any guidance on how to train your little one to fall asleep on her own.
Thank you I needed to read this
You are so welcome!!
I had to comment on this because reading your advice is breaking my heart. Firstly, babies do not ‘self soothe’- they give up. They give up seeking your protection to make them feel safe. Rather than going to bed knowing they’re safe and loved, they go to bed feeling abandoned.
It’s been proven that when babies cry, they present extremely high levels of cortisol, and this continues even when they stop crying for you/give up/”self soothe”, they still feel the same level of stress, but they have learnt that their parent will ignore their pleas- so why bother crying?
Do you ever remember a time you cried yourself to sleep? Was it a positive experience? No. Imagine your baby going through this every night.
It is our job to teach our children that the world is safe. It is normal for babies to wake in the night. It is normal for us to soothe them so they can eventually learn how to soothe themselves. Do you ever wake up in the night and roll over to your partner for a cuddle/warmth? It’s normal for adults to do this let alone babies.
Expecting babies to sleep through the night without being comforted is ridiculous- yes sleep deprivation is hard but our little ones are only little once. They will eventually sleep and you will eventually sleep. Do not cause them so much stress.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
My 10 month old’s first nap is now going on for 2 hours and then she doesn’t want the second. Should I cut the first one off at an hour? Or do I just let her continue with the one long nap.
You can reduce it slightly but remember, that may still not result in a second nap if she is going through the regression.
What do I do if my baby is standing but can’t get down? I’ve been going back in and putting her down but it seems to prolong the issue. Thanks a bunch!
This blog post outlines how to manage this situation.
Hang in there!
We did sleep training at 7 months old, it was by far the best thing we’ve ever done! However, now it seems she’s going through this sleep regression at 10 months old. If she’s refusing her last nap and is awake until bed time of 6/6:30 wouldn’t she then be so over tired being awake for approximately 7-7.5 hours from the end of her last nap, which will then effect her night time sleep? She doesn’t cry during her last ‘nap’ she just rolls around and plays with her comforter.
She’s been waking an hour earlier than usual the last week and now starting to refuse that last nap
This is so, so so so common. All you need to do is wait it out. As long as you’re certain she’s totally healthy, follow the guidelines in the blog post and give her system time to work through the regression.
To ladies who are taking suggested approach:
Please do not leave your baby to cry out over night or even during the day. Babies are defenceless and helpless. They rely on their parents specifically their mother for everything including emotional support. Babies cry for a reason and sometimes they just want a reassurance that their parent or mom is around. If not teething pain can trigger worse over night cry and scream, I would ask baby dr for baby pain relievers and dosage instead of leaving baby cry out to the point of physical stress. Cry leading to vomiting sound like the baby is going through panic attack. Remember baby dr are general or pd practitioners they are not physiologist. Babies can develop emotional scaring in such an younge age, they probably won’t remember it when grown up but the emotional and psychological scaring stays behind and triggers in different events of their life later on. If you attend their needs as soon as they cry or whimper they tend to not cry too long and settle easily just with hearing your voice or feeling your gentle touch. Trust being built in such an early age from new born but by not attending your baby when they need you they only thing you are teaching your baby is that don’t trust or rely on anybody. Also I want you to think how it would feel like to cry oneself to sleep: Imagined at the age you are now you gone through a rough day or bad break up or even a death of loved one and you cry yourself to sleep do you wake up happy and energized in the morning? I bet not. So please don’t let your little one go to sleep unhappy and feeling lonely and unloved.
If you do have family around ask your husband or trusted extended family or even a best friend to help in. Maybe they can spend couple of hours with your baby during the day while you can catch up on your sleep. Or if you got a healthy and fit grand parents around they would love to do night shift for their grand child. Grands are good to put babies to sleep quickly. There must be someone who can help you out. Ignorance is not the best way to go. A little love and patience goes a long way they phase won’t last forever. Ask for help and remember if you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Thank you so much! This helps a lot !!