Sleep training is a very often misunderstood topic. With so much conflicting information readily available online – even among sleep experts and pediatricians! It really is no surprise that parents are downright confused and overwhelmed. There are so many questions parents want answered. Like: what age can I sleep train? How does baby sleep training work? And why sleep train in the first place? Let’s put to bed some of the most common sleep training mistakes I see in my daily work.
1) Not understanding what sleep training is
Sleep training is not about bedtime routines and lavender massages. However, it is about your kiddo learning how to go from being awake to being asleep all on their own. This means being able to fall asleep without the help of a caregiver, a car, a swing, or a pacifier. All sleep training methods are similar in this way, as they have the same end goal: independent sleep.
As parents, you want three important things squared away before commencing sleep training. First, a solid plan (that addresses night and nap time sleep) where you can put your child down awake. Second, choosing the way to put baby down that you feel most comfortable when dealing with the inevitable protest crying that will initially occur. (Ie. timed checks) Then third, and most importantly, making the commitment from that first bedtime and on that you will not assist your child to fall asleep. After several days, babies and toddlers will learn to fall asleep unassisted, and sleep training will be complete. The whole goal in getting baby to sleep longer is through teaching them to put themselves to sleep.
2) Not sleep training for naps and nighttime simultaneously
This is one of the biggest mistakes I see families make. Sleep training only for nights without training for naps at the same time, or vice versa, is not advisable. In an effort to not let their children become “overtired” during training, parents often help their babies fall asleep for naps during the day. And then focus on sleep training only at night.
Due to high levels of natural melatonin in the body at bedtime, kids fall asleep relatively easily for bedtime (and throughout the night). Yet they will struggle to nap unassisted during the day when melatonin output is less regular. After a few days of night-only training, the child might sleep well at night. However, when parents try to later tackle nap sleep, the child uses all of their stamina from solid night sleep to fight their naps. As you can imagine, this makes nap training extremely difficult.
Commonly, if a child continues to receive help to sleep during the day, it is usually only a matter of time until a sleep disruption (such as illness or travel) causes nighttime sleep issues again. This then requires a parent to start from square one. And the parent now has to help their child fall back to sleep for bedtime, and in the middle of the night, all over again. In this circumstance, it’s only a short period of time before sleep training completely falls apart.
3) Keeping the pacifier
I’m just going to say it plainly: a pacifier is a tricky sleep prop with long term consequences. Unless a child is old and dexterous enough to reach out in the middle of the night, and quickly put a pacifier back into their mouth, sleep training with a pacifier isn’t really sleep training. And even if baby is able to re-insert the pacifier on their own, it is still a sleep prop. And you probably have some arbitrary distant future age in mind that you’ll remove the paci, right? Well here’s a word of warning…
Toddlers who rely on a pacifier for sleep often stop napping altogether once it is removed. Even sleep trained ones!
The truth is, whatever your child relies on to fall asleep at the onset of bedtime, or nap time, will be the same thing they’ll want to have to fall back to sleep with throughout the night. Even older babies who can re-insert a pacifier in their mouths often experience significant nighttime wake ups just looking for their pacifier.
Ensuring a child can fall asleep without any help whatsoever is always the best route to pursue for long-term results, and a well-rested baby. Always consult with your pediatrician to see if they approve your child not sleeping with a pacifier.
4) Not making an ideal sleep environment a priority
I always require that 4 things be present when sleep training a baby:
- Loud white noise,
- a very dark room,
- a video monitor,
- and a safe crib (with NOTHING in it other than a mattress, a well-fitted sheet, and baby).
Babies do not need much to sleep well. Studies have found that loud white noise helps humans fall into deeper levels of sleep faster, and stay there longer. Darkness helps the body produce a constant level of melatonin to further aid in easily falling asleep. A safe crib is a no brainer. Never allow your child to sleep in an unsafe crib as they will be in it all night on their own. And finally, a video monitor (mounted on the wall, or a piece of furniture other than the crib) helps parents know when their babies are actually asleep and awake. This provides immense peace of mind knowing their babies are safe.
5) Starting sleep training without having a plan in place
Families who want to start sleep training will be a lot more successful if they have a plan in place first. All sleep training plans should contain 4 parts:
- What to do at bedtime
- How to deal with middle of the night wakings
- How to make sure kiddos start each day at the same time
- And how to train for naps.
Obviously, reading many books, and working with a sleep training professional can take a lot of the guesswork out of how to deal with all of these different aspects of sleep training. However, not having a plan is a recipe for disaster. Sleep training requires time, consistency, and patience. Without a failproof plan in place, it can make it difficult to stay consistent over the several days or weeks it may take to properly sleep train a child.
6) Not sticking with it
When done properly, sleep training usually takes about 3-4 nights for night time sleep, and 1-2 weeks for naps. This might seem like a small amount of time, but similar to caffeine or sugar withdrawals, shifts like this can actually feel pretty agonizing at first. One of the biggest mistakes that many families make is shifting gears or quitting after only a few days due to not getting immediate results. The commitment must be to stick with sleep training for 1-2 weeks, which usually results in huge success, regardless of the training method parents use.
Fun fact: the Baby Sleep Trainer method has a 92% success rate in less than 4 nights!
7) Letting illness get in the way of healthy sleep habits
Once a child knows how to fall asleep unassisted for naps and bedtime, they do not suddenly “unlearn” what they have learned – even when ill. What is usually at play is that a parent reverts back to helping the child fall asleep. I really try to help my families I work with understand this key point. Once your child masters falling asleep on their own, do NOT go back to helping them fall asleep.
Even when they are ill, love them, comfort them, medicate them under doctor’s orders, but when the yawn of sleepiness comes… always put them down awake and let them fall asleep on their own. I even advise my clients to share a room with their children over night just in case their child needs them. Just simply stay out of the room when the child is actually falling asleep.
If you would like to learn more about how to get your baby their best sleep possible, and on an age-appropriate nap and sleep schedule – sign up for my newsletter!
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Hello!
I have a question about sleep training; Is it possible to sleep train with out baby having their own room? Our baby girl sleeps in her crib but in our room..we currently dont have another room available for her..
It can work well if you use a product like a Slumberpod. http://www.slumberpod.com
Hi,
My baby has learned to sleep by thumbsucking? Is that okay?
I love it when baby’s thumb suck! It’s like a gift from mother nature.
Wouldn’t that become a habit over time? I have heard from a lot of parents that this habit will be very difficult to break later.
It’s not really physically possible to stop an infant from thumb sucking, and I think it’s pretty rare that it’s a super hard habit to break when kids are older. There’s various devices (and even a nail polish!) you can use to deter thumb sucking if it becomes necessary to do so down the line.
What if we don’t use a crib? Baby is 8 months old and has always slept on a cot on the bed next to me.
Hi Natalie!
My toddler is 1.9 he sleeps independently with your method since he’s 5MO, he was always a thumbsucker, but all of a sudden he stopped sucking his thumbs because he was already hurting himself. Could this be a problem with his naps, if he can’t find a way to self soothe? I don’t know what to do as he stopped all at once it was not my idea. Thank you!
Do you have to black out the room during the day?? Does it affect them when you are out and about for naps?? ( after the 2 weeks of sleep training?)
Yep, daytime and nighttime. need darkness. I wouldn’t have poor quality sleep at home just in an effort to have baby be able to sleep on the go <3
Hi Natalie!! Love this blog post! My baby has been sleep trained for awhile and every now and then she’ll have a night waking. I usually find that there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong, so I’ll quickly change her diaper and put her back down. At this point do I just go back to the letting her cry and checks? Sometimes I feel bad like I should feed her just because she might be hungry but then I don’t want to because she’s been weaned for months! Lol… any advice on these spontaneous night wakings?
Hi Victoria,
This is a good question for your pediatrician. Ask them if it’s ok to withhold feeds in this situation, or if it’s necessary to restart night feeds.
Natalie
Thank you for this post! We are going to start sleep training early next week. Our 18 week old will move into the room (his crib) with his 4 year old sister (she’ll spend the first 3-4 nights in another room). My question though…she insists on having her star night light (projects onto ceiling on through the night, and baby is used to some light from hatch nose machine…do you think this will be fine or really recommend pitch dark? It’s pretty dark for daytime sleep because the rooms are in our first level/basement level). Thank you!!
Hi Summer,
I think the stars are just fine.
Natalie
Hi Natalie,
Thanks for all the helpful advice I am currently sleep training my almost 6 month old and we are currently on night 6 and day 5 of training. He sleeps through the night beautifully however he only sleeps for 20-30 minutes during nap time which has been causing him to be overtired and fussy during the day time. His wake window is also much shorter than recommended at about 1 and a half hours. I make sure I always put baby down awake in a room with blackout curtains and a white noise machine still to no avail. Any tips to make nap times easier.
Thanks,
Sam
Hi Sam!
This is a tough one to answer in this format (me responding to a comment). I’d encourage you to consider the Plus Support version of the Baby Sleep Trainer course to enable me to work directly with you through this particular issue.
http://www.babysleeptrainer.com/purchase/
Natalie
Hello there! Thank you so much for this. Super helpful
We are on day 10 sleep training using modified Ferber and already seeing a huge improvement, Our LO just turns 4 months old and no longer needs contact nap. She’s to fall asleep in her own crib most of the time! The method we used do allow us to use pacifier which makes it really tricky. Sometimes she can fall asleep without any sleep crutches, and sometimes she will need her pacifier. We’re also training her while room sharing. We leave the room when sleep training her for naps. For nighttime, she pretty much sleep through the night. Only wake up once for feeding (everyday at 3am, same time).
My question is, should we make it more consistent by getting rid of the pacifier now since she’s too young to put it back herself? We’re on day 10 of modified Ferber – should we shift to Ferber starting tomorrow and cold turkey on pacifier?
Hi! My 8.5 month old baby has been sleep trained since 4.5 months for both naps and bedtime. Once we dropped to 2 naps around 6.5 months, he has been such a great little sleeper. He gets 3 hours of total daytime sleep. But the last 3 nights, he has been screaming at bedtime for up to 20-30 minutes. This hasn’t happened since we started sleep training. For the most part, he goes down for naps just fine. We typically do a 3.25-3.5 hour wake window before bed. Could this be separation anxiety?
We started sleep training this week and our 9 month old falls asleep within minutes at night but she often poos during her night wakings or when she doesn’t go down for a nap right away. Before we sleep trained, she NEVER pooed overnight or at nap time. I never know if I should go in to check if she pooed or to continue letting her CIO. Any tips to address this? Thank you!